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Post by jerryfmcompushaft on Aug 28, 2012 15:05:33 GMT -5
A newly married couple, while discussing their future together, decided that they should join the Catholic Church. They approached the local pastor and said, "Father, we have decided that to enjoy the fullest life has to offer, we need to be members of the Catholic Church".
The good Father was overjoyed at receiving two new converts but warned them that the Catholic Church had rigorous rules and required sacrifice from its members. They said that they understood and were willing to do all that needed to be done to become full members of the church.
The priest gave them a large book to study and told them that they should read a chapter a week and then return to his office where they would be quizzed on the contents of the week's chapter.
He also told them that the church would test their commitment by requiring that they not engage in sexual activities while the instruction was ongoing. They agreed, and went home with their book and began studying.
All went well up to about chapter 20 when they arrived at the priest's office for their weekly testing on the contents of the latest chapter of study. Both looked rather downcast and depressed and the priest asked them what was wrong.
The young man spoke up, "Father I fear that we have failed. All was going well until last Wednesday when Jill bent over the freezer to get something for dinner. I could not stand the look of her bending over like that, and I raised her skirt, ripped off her panties, and we had the most jarring, mind blowing, completely satisfying sex that anyone could imagine"
The priest was completely disappointed and delivered the judgment, "I am sorry my son - you have failed the greatest test. I can't let you into the Catholic Church"
The guy responded, "That's OK, Father - they won't let us back into WalMart anymore either"
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Post by Sir John on Aug 28, 2012 16:19:09 GMT -5
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Post by Swampy on Aug 28, 2012 20:05:14 GMT -5
So they had sex at the Wal-mart and got booted out. So what???
I think I've done a little too many misdemeanors.
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Post by dontom on Aug 31, 2012 22:27:03 GMT -5
I think I've done a little too many misdemeanors. Do you have any good attorney / lawyer jokes? Here's the latest I heard: Two young boys were walking to school when one boy asked the other "What does your daddy do?" The other boy replies "my daddy is a garbage man, what does your daddy do?". The first boy replies "My daddy is an attorney"! The second boy says "Honest??" The first boy says "Nah, he's just the regular type". -Don- |
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Post by dontom on Aug 31, 2012 22:43:29 GMT -5
I think I've done a little too many misdemeanors. Well, did you hear about the felony done at a Wal*Mart? Joe wants his wife murdered, so he hires the local scumbag, Artie. Artie tries to negotiate a price with Joe, but Joe says he only has a dollar, but will pay the rest after the job is done. Very reluctantly, Artie agrees. So Artie follows Joe's wife and she enters a Wal*Mart. She walks down a very quiet aisle where nobody seems to be around. Then Artie decides that's as a good of place as any to do the dirty job. So Artie jumps on her and starts to choke her. Right then, the manager comes passes by and sees the crime. So Artie then jumps on him and chokes him too. But Artie was caught on camera and recognized. He was later arrested and the headline read: "Artie Chokes two for a dollar at Wall*Mart!" -Don- |
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Post by Swampy on Aug 31, 2012 23:57:47 GMT -5
Say, Don, you gonna work on my presidential campaign? I've been planning to run for several years now, and Sir John is my campaign manager. I think Dirty Larry, after his fine speech the other day, would make a great Veep.
What do you think? You interested? ;D
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Post by dontom on Sept 1, 2012 0:32:15 GMT -5
Say, Don, you gonna work on my presidential campaign? I've been planning to run for several years now, and Sir John is my campaign manager. I think Dirty Larry, after his fine speech the other day, would make a great Veep. What do you think? You interested? ;D For what country? -Don- |
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Post by Swampy on Sept 1, 2012 1:36:05 GMT -5
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Post by jerryfmcompushaft on Sept 1, 2012 7:46:31 GMT -5
"Artie Chokes two for a dollar at Wall*Mart!"
LOL! Love it, Don. ;D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2012 8:58:45 GMT -5
Say, Don, you gonna work on my presidential campaign? I've been planning to run for several years now, and Sir John is my campaign manager. I think Dirty Larry, after his fine speech the other day, would make a great Veep. What do you think? You interested? ;D[/quote Maybe in another life, Stanley, but definitely not in this one. There's this little requirement that I'm sure you aware of regarding being a natural born citizen. Dirty Harry (not Larry) would have to be nudged every once in awhile to keep him awake. Admittedly, that's not a lot different than currently. What a combination, though. A Canadian with an Aussie as a campaign manager. Maybe you should have Don as your VP candidate in an attempt to get the Gay vote. That, along with Hispanics, seems to be a growing sector of our society. |
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Post by Swampy on Sept 1, 2012 9:09:09 GMT -5
Do you notice where this thread is? ;D
Jerry will be my manager for the eastern seaboard, and he's rustling up the votes to lock up my nomination. But I don't know if Don is conservative enough for my platform - I am, after all, a Reagan Republican and a Dubya fan.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2012 9:56:14 GMT -5
Do you notice where this thread is? ;D Jerry will be my manager for the eastern seaboard, and he's rustling up the votes to lock up my nomination. But I don't know if Don is conservative enough for my platform - I am, after all, a Reagan Republican and a Dubya fan. Yep, it's under "jokes" which is appropriate for the conversation and also the reason why I mentioned Don as VP. If we had any blacks on the forum - and it's possible that we do - I'd have mentioned them as well. I've rarely ever seen any person not eligible to become President, much less not a citizen, wannabe nearly as much as you and I just wish citizens of this country had as much feeling for it as you do. FWIW, I was a Reagan Republican and HUGE Dubya fan but I'm closer to an Idependent or moderate Republican as of now. If you only weren't a damn lawyer! ;D |
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Post by Swampy on Sept 1, 2012 10:00:48 GMT -5
I'll start my campaign from San Francisco, heart of Dubya country. What's your role going to be, Kyle?
As for me being a damn lawyer, I've proven I know how to get around legal obstacles ... like the constitution.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2012 10:38:47 GMT -5
For a lawyer, you have a good sense of humor! SF Dubya country. What a laugh!
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Post by Swampy on Sept 1, 2012 11:54:36 GMT -5
So you on the team? I'll make you Secdef when I get to the White House.
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